Here's something that I like to do a day or two before the New Year starts. I happen to follow a really interesting blog called All & Sundry and she's puts this up and lots of people post back and it all makes for some good reading. I'm hoping that another friend of mine who is a Sundry reader posts one too. (You know who you are!)
A brief synopsis would say that I'm sort of wishy-washy expressing negative emotions, I hate no one, and the song lyrics that have the most meaning to me are at least 4 years old. I also sneak in a reference to some Dead lyrics that are as old as I am. Because I'm an old-fart soul. The synopsis would also lead you to believe that I didn't suffer greatly this year, but if you've been following this blog or been in contact with me at all, you'd know that I sort of did sometimes. Most of it came right from me, as my own response to my circumstances in the form of moderate to severe anxiety.
However, looking back on it all, especially through the eyes of this quiz, it really was more good than bad in many ways. I had problems, I sought help, I solved a few problems, I got better. I think I'll keep this quiz just the way that it is because I feel like it emphasizes the better things that happened in 2008 and just how much better this year was than the one before.
If you're reading this, thank you, and I hope that 2009 proves to be a wonderful year for us all.
Cheers and kisses...
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Bought a brand new car all by myself, and paid the damn thing off and saved myself a small fortune by avoiding years of paying interest.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Any resolutions I made must have been vague and unmemorable so I'm not sure if I kept them. The only resolution I am making this year is to do more karaoke.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No one in my daily life or family gave birth, but some long-lost friends recovered on Facebook had some babies! Yay for babies!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Fortunately I can say no to this one this year. See 2007. Enough said.
5. What countries did you visit?
In my daydreams I've been around the world. In reality I've been in New Jersey and Florida and all the states in between on 95.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A home that I am truly comfortable in. More patience. More fun.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
It's seriously all a blur.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Moving back home to New Jersey.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Landing me and the girls in a really crappy apartment, but the end of that is in sight.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious, thank God.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Honda Fit.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All of the people who have offered me and the girls love and support.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Those assholes who trampled the security guard to death at the Walmart in Long Island at 4:55 am on November 26 because they just couldn't wait to get their hands on merchandise.
14. Where did most of your money go?
The myriad expenses of moving 1000 miles...again.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Selling the house and not losing as much as I thought I would!
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Viva la Vida, Coldplay
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? about the same, but heavier than 6 months ago. (it's been a yo-yo year, but I feel healthier.)
c) richer or poorer? good question. i think about even or at least close.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Enjoying my time.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
As always, worrying.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Driving and visiting, and overall enjoying myself.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Definitely.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
As always, Family Guy.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Oh hell no. As always, ain't no time to hate.
24. What was the best book you read?
When You Are Engulfed In Flames, David Sedaris
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Many good ones on Youtube including The Soweto Gospel Choir and David Sides
26. What did you want and get?
A really great little car with awesome gas mileage.
27. What did you want and not get?
A new home of my own, but I'm not pining over it.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Idiocracy
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to Lido's with Kirk and the girls. I turned 34.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Unbelievable, unremitting, unconditional support in the form of phone calls, texts, IMs, and emails before I moved back home from a handful of key people.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfort.
32. What kept you sane?
A few really incredible people.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Would it be cliche to say Barack Obama? Well, it's the truth.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hands down, the campaign.
35. Who did you miss?
I missed Rob the most.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
No one brand spankin new, but I suppose Kirk counts as new and he's pretty awesome.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Fake sincerity while large sums of money are changing hands is not only unnecessary, it's obnoxious.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Not a new song, it never is, but alas:
Alone inside my forest room
And it's stormin'
I never thought I'd be in bloom
But this is where I start
-RHCP
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Alright...
Quick update on things:
So I found what I think is a really great deal on a 4 bedroom apartment in Lodi. I've gone for a second visit and unless something amazing happens in the next couple of days, like winning the lottery that I don't even play, I'm going for it. It's obviously got the fourth bedroom I've already mentioned but it just feels a whole lot safer and well-maintained than where we are staying now.
The owner of the house and landlord lives downstairs in this two-unit house. He seems sane. He certainly keeps up with the place. All of the doors lock in a sufficient manner. Everything just looks to be a lot safer, more convenient, more in line with the living arrangement that I am after.
Of course I would love to own my own home again. This is my dream eventually. The taxes around here are so high that it's just too difficult to commit to the long term. When I weigh the cost of property taxes with owning a home for at least 5 years-it's just too much dough.
I know this is a great time to buy because of the low interest rates and the depressed housing market. It truly is a buyer's market and I wish I could say that I was sure I was going to be hanging around Bergen county for the next 5 or 10 years, but it just doesn't feel like reality. We're talking a lot of money here! For the cheapest house I spotted for sale that meets the bare minimum of my needs, it's about $7500 per year in property taxes. Multiply that by 5 or 10 and that's an awful lot of coin.
I can't do it. I can't commit to that. In the end it's either equal to or more than what I would pay in rent per month. I need the flexibility to bail out as needed. In the end, if that means losing a security deposit, I can live with that.
My dream though... Somewhere else. Some place where the traffic is not so suppressive. Some place where the taxes aren't quite so high and the yards are a little bigger.
The holiday season in Bergen county really highlights the drawbacks of this area: the impossible traffic, the rush, the attitudes that crop up due to the stress of it all. It's happening all year round, but the holidays cram it all right in your face.
Modern life is an interesting thing for sure, something that should make you stop and think about what it is you're really doing and how close this falls into line with what you really crave out of life.
You can live rurally and maybe commute a somewhat fair distance to your employment and your source of income. Which will really keep the wheels of the life you've chosen spinning and still get the kids or yourself through school.
You can live suburbanly and maybe commute a little less, with a little less of your own personal space. You will live in the middle of everything and be surrounded by strip malls on all sides and still have a fair amount of traffic to deal with. Your taxes might be a lot higher than you deem fair.
You can live urbanly and pay a lot in taxes and have very little personal space. You will be in the middle of everything with perks like mass transit at your fingertips. You will be closer to crime, noise, and pollution.
Is there something I'm missing? I don't feel like I want any of those choices, but if I had to pick one, I think it's be the first one, the rural life. Maybe I just can't shake it out of me. Maybe I just like having a whole lot of personal space.
Maybe in the end, what I really miss is where I grew up.
So I found what I think is a really great deal on a 4 bedroom apartment in Lodi. I've gone for a second visit and unless something amazing happens in the next couple of days, like winning the lottery that I don't even play, I'm going for it. It's obviously got the fourth bedroom I've already mentioned but it just feels a whole lot safer and well-maintained than where we are staying now.
The owner of the house and landlord lives downstairs in this two-unit house. He seems sane. He certainly keeps up with the place. All of the doors lock in a sufficient manner. Everything just looks to be a lot safer, more convenient, more in line with the living arrangement that I am after.
Of course I would love to own my own home again. This is my dream eventually. The taxes around here are so high that it's just too difficult to commit to the long term. When I weigh the cost of property taxes with owning a home for at least 5 years-it's just too much dough.
I know this is a great time to buy because of the low interest rates and the depressed housing market. It truly is a buyer's market and I wish I could say that I was sure I was going to be hanging around Bergen county for the next 5 or 10 years, but it just doesn't feel like reality. We're talking a lot of money here! For the cheapest house I spotted for sale that meets the bare minimum of my needs, it's about $7500 per year in property taxes. Multiply that by 5 or 10 and that's an awful lot of coin.
I can't do it. I can't commit to that. In the end it's either equal to or more than what I would pay in rent per month. I need the flexibility to bail out as needed. In the end, if that means losing a security deposit, I can live with that.
My dream though... Somewhere else. Some place where the traffic is not so suppressive. Some place where the taxes aren't quite so high and the yards are a little bigger.
The holiday season in Bergen county really highlights the drawbacks of this area: the impossible traffic, the rush, the attitudes that crop up due to the stress of it all. It's happening all year round, but the holidays cram it all right in your face.
Modern life is an interesting thing for sure, something that should make you stop and think about what it is you're really doing and how close this falls into line with what you really crave out of life.
You can live rurally and maybe commute a somewhat fair distance to your employment and your source of income. Which will really keep the wheels of the life you've chosen spinning and still get the kids or yourself through school.
You can live suburbanly and maybe commute a little less, with a little less of your own personal space. You will live in the middle of everything and be surrounded by strip malls on all sides and still have a fair amount of traffic to deal with. Your taxes might be a lot higher than you deem fair.
You can live urbanly and pay a lot in taxes and have very little personal space. You will be in the middle of everything with perks like mass transit at your fingertips. You will be closer to crime, noise, and pollution.
Is there something I'm missing? I don't feel like I want any of those choices, but if I had to pick one, I think it's be the first one, the rural life. Maybe I just can't shake it out of me. Maybe I just like having a whole lot of personal space.
Maybe in the end, what I really miss is where I grew up.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Decisions
I have so much on my mind right now that I wish I could just dump in some one's lap and say, "Here, just sort all this out and let me know what you come up with."
To start, I am extremely dissatisfied with this apartment on so many levels I don't know where to begin. The heat is either broken or it's 95 degrees. The complaints about it being so hot up here fall on deaf ears, but PSE&G is sure paying attention. My thermostats are basically useless; I believe that they are put there to fool me into thinking I have some kind of control over the climate.
The downstairs path to my laundry and dryer are a death trap. Period. I fear that someone will find me at the bottom of the dark steps one night with a broken neck, suffocated by a basket of dirty laundry.
The yard is a not-my-dog shit field of broken-ass-CRAP that isn't fit for the dogs or the baby to play in. Interestingly, Rutherford has an excellent recycling program that actually picks up broken appliances. Ironically, the side yard is a homage to broken appliances. Maybe it's art. I don't know.
The lock on my door actually works but there is a pane of glass missing out of the door that's situated perfectly for any jerk to come in unlock. And yet there is a perfectly beautiful door sitting not 4 feet away from the broken one in the enclosed porch, just waiting to be hung by an associate of the person who maintains this place, someone who "owes him a favor." And there it sits. And sits.
(What is with this mentality of "owing favors?" Just pay a professional to do the fucking thing the right way. This excuse makes me really angry.)
Did I also mention that the drain from my kitchen sink leaks into the basement? I was told by the above mentioned "maintainer" of this house that he "should've really fixed it while the kitchen was all torn up before" I moved in. He's also not really looking forward to "tearing up the whole kitchen soon" but he'll "have to do it," he guesses. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to not having use of my kitchen for an indefite length of time either. Even though I am a fan of conserving water, I am not a fan of being paranoid that the garbage/collection can down in the basement is going to over-flow into my laundry every time I wash dishes.
***The point to take away from this: I have to move.***
Moving. Again. When will it end? Evidently not for a long time.
Rutherford High School is giving me a big problem with allowing Sadie to go to the technical high school that supposedly welcomes student from all of Bergen county. If only our school district didn't give me a line of bullshit every time I ask. "Oh, we don't send to Tech" says Rutherford. Great. I'm glad I'm paying too much money to live in a shit-hole in a town that's supposed to have one of the best high schools in southern Bergen county.
Tech says "We DO have kids from Rutherford, but this has been an issue, but I really can't say anymore about it."
Nice. This is EXACTLY what I need in my life. Vagueness on all fronts. Love it. I just want my kid to graduate and she is really not interested in much else, academic-wise, then being in this particular program that is supposedly open to ALL kids in Bergen county.
Dudes and dudettes, I don't have the fight in me to challenge the school. I just don't. I would just as soon move out of this dump and into a place that will mesh with our needs a whole lot better. If these people insist on keeping the security, I will understand but I sure hope they apply the money to making this a safer place to live and not on Home Shopping Network or whatever.
(An aside: how does one OWN property and treat it this way? This is beyond my scope of comprehension. Every house that I have owned has said goodbye to me in way better condition than when we first said hello.)
Lodi: probably the next destination because Sadie has friends in that school and we know kids who go to Tech from that town. Tried to get in touch with them today, no dice. Will try again tomorrow. I'm not moving to a town unless I know for certain that they will be cooperative in this venture.
Buying in Lodi: Ok home prices, taxes not Ok.
Renting in Lodi: I have been obsessively checking Craigslist for suitable rentals and nothing yet. I also have a few rental-brokers on the case, nothing yet.
Buying anything: Scary. I really don't know if I want to buy anything that I'm not going to live in for at least the next 5 years. Honestly, I don't even know if I want to be in Bergen county that long.
And don't even get me started on going back to school, work, etc. because it's all wound up in this tight-knit ball of stress. It's like a big web, all of the strings meet in the middle, and if I feel like if I upset one string, the whole thing is going to collapse.
Granted, these are a whole lot of First World Whines, if I may rip off Dooce's perfect expression for this kind of rant, but I can do better than this. I kick myself every day for ever whining about any of the comforts that I felt before. What a finely oiled machine my life once was.
I just feel I lack the stamina, the strength of mind to do any more fighting!
I have been fighting an uphill battle since August 2, 2007 and I just feel depleted. I knew, not even in the back of my mind, but I KNEW when things were falling in to place back in Florida to get the hell out of that nightmare, that the battle was maybe half-way over. I knew that there was a lot more work to be done.
And here it is.
To start, I am extremely dissatisfied with this apartment on so many levels I don't know where to begin. The heat is either broken or it's 95 degrees. The complaints about it being so hot up here fall on deaf ears, but PSE&G is sure paying attention. My thermostats are basically useless; I believe that they are put there to fool me into thinking I have some kind of control over the climate.
The downstairs path to my laundry and dryer are a death trap. Period. I fear that someone will find me at the bottom of the dark steps one night with a broken neck, suffocated by a basket of dirty laundry.
The yard is a not-my-dog shit field of broken-ass-CRAP that isn't fit for the dogs or the baby to play in. Interestingly, Rutherford has an excellent recycling program that actually picks up broken appliances. Ironically, the side yard is a homage to broken appliances. Maybe it's art. I don't know.
The lock on my door actually works but there is a pane of glass missing out of the door that's situated perfectly for any jerk to come in unlock. And yet there is a perfectly beautiful door sitting not 4 feet away from the broken one in the enclosed porch, just waiting to be hung by an associate of the person who maintains this place, someone who "owes him a favor." And there it sits. And sits.
(What is with this mentality of "owing favors?" Just pay a professional to do the fucking thing the right way. This excuse makes me really angry.)
Did I also mention that the drain from my kitchen sink leaks into the basement? I was told by the above mentioned "maintainer" of this house that he "should've really fixed it while the kitchen was all torn up before" I moved in. He's also not really looking forward to "tearing up the whole kitchen soon" but he'll "have to do it," he guesses. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to not having use of my kitchen for an indefite length of time either. Even though I am a fan of conserving water, I am not a fan of being paranoid that the garbage/collection can down in the basement is going to over-flow into my laundry every time I wash dishes.
***The point to take away from this: I have to move.***
Moving. Again. When will it end? Evidently not for a long time.
Rutherford High School is giving me a big problem with allowing Sadie to go to the technical high school that supposedly welcomes student from all of Bergen county. If only our school district didn't give me a line of bullshit every time I ask. "Oh, we don't send to Tech" says Rutherford. Great. I'm glad I'm paying too much money to live in a shit-hole in a town that's supposed to have one of the best high schools in southern Bergen county.
Tech says "We DO have kids from Rutherford, but this has been an issue, but I really can't say anymore about it."
Nice. This is EXACTLY what I need in my life. Vagueness on all fronts. Love it. I just want my kid to graduate and she is really not interested in much else, academic-wise, then being in this particular program that is supposedly open to ALL kids in Bergen county.
Dudes and dudettes, I don't have the fight in me to challenge the school. I just don't. I would just as soon move out of this dump and into a place that will mesh with our needs a whole lot better. If these people insist on keeping the security, I will understand but I sure hope they apply the money to making this a safer place to live and not on Home Shopping Network or whatever.
(An aside: how does one OWN property and treat it this way? This is beyond my scope of comprehension. Every house that I have owned has said goodbye to me in way better condition than when we first said hello.)
Lodi: probably the next destination because Sadie has friends in that school and we know kids who go to Tech from that town. Tried to get in touch with them today, no dice. Will try again tomorrow. I'm not moving to a town unless I know for certain that they will be cooperative in this venture.
Buying in Lodi: Ok home prices, taxes not Ok.
Renting in Lodi: I have been obsessively checking Craigslist for suitable rentals and nothing yet. I also have a few rental-brokers on the case, nothing yet.
Buying anything: Scary. I really don't know if I want to buy anything that I'm not going to live in for at least the next 5 years. Honestly, I don't even know if I want to be in Bergen county that long.
And don't even get me started on going back to school, work, etc. because it's all wound up in this tight-knit ball of stress. It's like a big web, all of the strings meet in the middle, and if I feel like if I upset one string, the whole thing is going to collapse.
Granted, these are a whole lot of First World Whines, if I may rip off Dooce's perfect expression for this kind of rant, but I can do better than this. I kick myself every day for ever whining about any of the comforts that I felt before. What a finely oiled machine my life once was.
I just feel I lack the stamina, the strength of mind to do any more fighting!
I have been fighting an uphill battle since August 2, 2007 and I just feel depleted. I knew, not even in the back of my mind, but I KNEW when things were falling in to place back in Florida to get the hell out of that nightmare, that the battle was maybe half-way over. I knew that there was a lot more work to be done.
And here it is.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Encapsulated
I've been looking at some of my saved drafts on the here blog and feeling like a jerk for not ever finishing and publishing these entries. I'm thinking that this month I'm going to just edit them up a bit and put them out there. It'll be like a time capsule!
Stay tuned!
Stay tuned!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Home
So, Thanksgiving Eve was spent in Nazareth, Pennsylvania at The Mayor's brother's house. I will say right now that I felt very welcome, the conversation was interesting, funny, wonderful, thought-provoking, and just plain satisfying. Also, it felt really nice to be back (near) my old stomping grounds.
The earlier part of the day was satisfying. I made a banana bread that the dogs ruined while I was out driving to pick up my grandmother. We went to my inlaws house for dinner, which was nice. They hosted about 25 people, with 4 turkeys and a slew of sides. It was noisy and raucous, just like it always was.
I will avoid a blow-by-blow description of the evening but I will state that I now have a better appreciation for the Sidney Funnel Web Spider (which will attack you, Human, just for the taste of your blood!), the movie Halloween, and authentic Cuban cigars. Did I mention that I drank a bit? Yeah...
Anyway, it was fun and I am thankful...
The earlier part of the day was satisfying. I made a banana bread that the dogs ruined while I was out driving to pick up my grandmother. We went to my inlaws house for dinner, which was nice. They hosted about 25 people, with 4 turkeys and a slew of sides. It was noisy and raucous, just like it always was.
I will avoid a blow-by-blow description of the evening but I will state that I now have a better appreciation for the Sidney Funnel Web Spider (which will attack you, Human, just for the taste of your blood!), the movie Halloween, and authentic Cuban cigars. Did I mention that I drank a bit? Yeah...
Anyway, it was fun and I am thankful...
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