Thursday Evening

Mood coming around slowly. Feel like I'm shaking out the cobwebs, mentally. Working hard on putting things into perspective.

I've been listening to way too much NPR lately to think that my life sucks. I might have some issues in my life, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm holding it down. Currently, I own no property while the value of property continues to plummet. I miraculously sold a house recently in the very inhospitable Florida housing market. I can afford my rent and expenses. Plus, I am gainfully employed.

We are healthy. We might not be perfect, but we are pretty good. We have health insurance.

There are so many things that I personally crave, that may or may not ever materialize. I think I was a good wife. I want to be one again some day. I wish Penny had a sibling or two closer to her age but this may not ever happen. I just don't want to turn out to be the crazy widow mother of the little girl with no father. I just don't want that to be Penny, or Sadie, or me.

Life has become a constant locker room pep talk. I am the coach and the team at the same time. Some days I'm admonishing myself for all of the mistakes I've made, opportunities squandered. Other days I'm mentally rubbing my shoulders and patting my back and telling myself to just keep pushing and success, in some form, will be mine.

And the team, the other side of me that listens, just keeps on going out there and playing, with and without faith depending upon the day.