Some Things That Inspire Me...

Ugh folks. It's been crappy night. Is it Monday morning yet?

Ok, I know to the rest of the world, Monday morning is like a dreaded disease akin to cancer or Parkinson's, or maybe just irritable bowel syndrome (IBS! You be WHAT? If you don't recognize this bit, it's time to watch Lady Killers) but to me it's like A NEW BEGINNING! A new week of real productivity. The place where you pick up where you left off on Friday. Time to shire!

So it's only Wednesday, or as some people call it "Humpday" and trust me there is certainly no humping in my household tonight...well, it's Wednesday and I'm already dying for the weekend to be over and to feel the rush of Monday morning.  The day I can escape the thought of mothering and laundry and all the other stuff that I seem to belly-crawl through on my own while mortars are exploding all around me. Well, actually, it's mostly dog fur, but still.  

Maybe it's just me...

This fracture in my life-home life vs. career. Tonight career is in the lead. Wish I could pull it all together into one nice little package called My Life. 

Any CBHer that is reading this is probably laughing like hell. "Career?" they are saying to themselves. And the chocolate milk is shooting out of their nose as they laugh and laugh. 

Hey, we work at a pretty damn important place. That's my response. We do a lot of good, a lot of important things. When you see me there, you best be sure that I am doing something I was born to do. I'm not just walking around with that clipboard for nothing. I am being therapeutic every chance I get. Every single word that escapes my mouth is trying to say the same thing:  I feel for you. I am trying to understand you. I am trying to help you continue to survive in this crazy world. Hell, I don't know if I can survive this crazy world, but I think I can, and I think you can too. We are in this together.

Sure, I don't have my masters yet, not even my bachelors if you want to know the truth. But I am one human being determined to help as many as possible. As has been said before in this blog, what more is nursing than therapeutic use of the self? That's what I am doing every minute I am there. 

So like I said when I started this entry, today kind of sucked. I am going to now turn the topic around to some things that inspire me simply because I need to remind myself every now and again why I wake up in the morning. In bulleted format here goes nothing:

• My kids:  the toughest job I'll ever love, even more so than the Army IMHO. When they do something great or make any improvement whatsoever, it feels like the gates of heaven have opened up. They are the greatest example of living for something other than myself. And some how, this fills my very self up with the greatest feeling ever. It is truly a magical experience. (The flip side is when they disappoint-this is when I feel the flames of hell lapping at my toes.)
• My peeps:  Much, much more consistent than the kids, but without the gates of heaven thingy.  Well, sometimes they do this, but I usually don't hear the trumpets blaring like when the kids do something awesome. More constant. More supportive. Willing to listen to me complain about the kids. And when they don't meet my expectations, it's just a low-grade kind of disappointment, not the kind that makes me want to stick my head in the oven. Overall, I give them an A+ for consistency.
• Family-how is it that I look so much like my mother and my father at the same time? And so does my brother but in a different way. I mean, we look alike but not exactly; we both have a good mix of both of our parents. Far OUT, man. And how is that I can look so similar to other relatives who died long before I was born. I mean, WTF? That is some seriously freaky shit.
• Love-it just keeps going and going and going. Where does this come from? What keeps it going?  How is that I can feel love for some seriously monstrous people along side people who have done some incredible good? I firmly do not believe that the answer is anything religious, but just part of being a decent human being. This shit really does make the world go 'round. Can you imagine if there was no love? Heavy...
• No I am not doing any drugs right now; I don't partake any more.  I am truly high on life. And nostalgia. And a little Chardonnay. 
• The Internet! I have said this many, many times before, but I believe that the creation of the Internet was one of the BEST things to have ever, EVER  happened to mankind. How else could ideas be exchanged so readily, so deeply, in such a timely fashion? The Internet is the REASON that my second child exists. The Internet helped me get through nursing school. The Internet is the reason I didn't succumb to a state of complete and total despair after Rob died. Oh Lord, I could go on about the Internet for a long, long time. The friendships I have made, rekindled, breathed life into over the web...there just isn't enough time for all of it.
• Work-I'm not aiming to make the average individual nauseous over my glowing review of how much I love my job. As far as nursing goes, it's not top dollar. I could be making a hell of a lot more in the hospital. That's ok. Been there, done that. And the more time and distance I put between me and the hospital the more I come to believe that I DID THE RIGHT THING. At first, it was quite a blow to the ego to leave. It was my choice, they urged me to stay. Trust me, I was not tossed out on my ear. But something inside me told me to go. And I did. And time has proven this instinct to be right on target with reality. Hurray for instincts.
• Cooking-If there is one thing that I feel very, very sure about, it's my ability to create a meal that will bring you to your knees. Now listen, I am not the greatest baker, but give me a stove-top, some pans, a decent cut of meat, some vegetables, and a starch and I can usually make a very good meal that will all be served at a uniformly pleasant temperature. I had lost some of my ability and culinary instincts in FL, but it's a bit like riding a bicycle. I am close to being back on top of the game and the end is no where in sight.
• And last, being back in New Jersey. The sight of the skyline from the ridge-anywhere from Kearney before the Hackensack and Passaic Rivers empty out into the Bay of Newark to, well, I guess the farthest north I've been lately is Hackensack-well, this view has done a tremendous amount of good for my soul. It makes me feel like I truly live in the center of the Universe. While there is something to be said about the flatness of Florida and I've written before about how wondrous it is to hear the thunder coming from miles and miles away in such a terrain, this is really the landscape that I belong in for...at least the next four or five years.