A Lament

Right now I just really feel like this family unit is being short-changed by my inability to be two people in one body. These aren't even tasks that I can ask anyone else to help with. These tasks demand that I cross the T's and dot the I's.

I know that we all have our trials and tribulations but I can't help but feel that mine are closer to impossible than most. Maybe that's horribly ego-centric of self-centered or _insert some other term for shitheadedness here_ but...DAMN...sometimes I just want my old life back. It wasn't perfect, it was nearly always mundane, but it flowed.

I keep on reminding myself that it won't be like this forever, but then what? Then the girls, or at least Sadie, will be grown and the "best" years will have flown by while I was practically begging those years to fly by. Penny will no longer fit on my lap and what will I look back to? Moments where I just wished that time would hurry up and take us out of this phase?

It's the red-tape of life that I am caught up in and I greatly resent not being able to divide the labor.

It's my 30's flying by and not really enjoying this time when I'm supposed to be at the peak of security in my appearance, sexuality, career, personhood, and just every other goddamn thing that life promises will happen in to you in your 30's.

It's just everything...