Saturday, March 06, 2010

In Like a Lion

So I never did make it to Jupiter, FL last month but that's ok. Florida will be there unless some major weather catastrophe occurs and the temperature of the Earth rises to such a degree that the entire peninsula returns to it's former state of submersion under the sea.

Hey, it's happened before and most likely will happen again. This isn't projected to happen in my lifetime. You never know though, right?

Whatever, I'm starting this off with a digression but it's very late and I was awoken from my melatonin-induced slumber by teenage drama and my brain is all over the place.

A lot of things are going on but aren't they always?

First, I need to get the hell out of New Jersey. What was I thinking? Actually, the move back has been beneficial because I am functioning better now that my life rotates around a more normal Monday through Friday routine. I do benefit from working and I really can't imagine how that could have happened while living in Spring Hill. I feel a closeness with my supervisor that would've been hard to match anywhere else at that time and that has made all the difference. To be around the familiar faces, the people who's life stories I have had the priviledge to share, those are the things I craved so much while I was away. My return has built me up into a stronger and better person than I was while I was gone.

But seriously? New Jersey? Why do you make it SO DAMN HARD? The traffic! The taxes! The expense of everything, not just money, but time and patience and mental stamina. I seriously can't take it anymore. Well, I actually *can* take it but it's only because I have a plan to escape your oppressive ways.

Naturally, I will move back to Florida after certain things have come to fruition. I need my parents. I need to be near my brother. And frankly, I just need a break from the madness that is NJ.

I have a special relationship with Florida, that's for sure. I broke my ass to get down there, only to have my dreams shattered into a million pieces. I have spent hours upon hours getting to know Florida. I have poured my heart and soul into learning it's rich history, learning the lay of the land, studying it's topography and lores and myths and economic trends in order to find a home. Not just a house, but an actual home in this place. And it has been both good and evil to me.

My relationship with this place is one that I wrestle with daily. It does not go away. Florida calls out to me, and yet I can't help but be a little mad at it over what I feel it has taken away from me. I work on this mentally every single day. I don't know if it's irony or fate, but the past three men that I have fallen in love with are also lured to this place that is Florida. But even putting that fact to the side, I myself am in love with it.

There is a special connection that I have with it. And let's be straight: it's not the Disney aspect of Florida (barf), nor the lack of snow (because I love snow) or any other touristy reason one would love Florida. It's something much deeper than that, something I can't exactly describe at the moment. It has a lot to do with my family being there while I feel stranded up here. It has a lot to do with unfulfilled goals and dreams.

It's got a lot to do with unfinished business.

And now the melatonin is kicking in again...


Alien Alda said...

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~Free said...

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