Relationships issues haven't been the only issues that I've been dealing with.
I am at a major crossroads concerning career and family life. Every single day I drag myself off to work, which is beginning to feel more and more like an absolute dead-end of career with a lot of potential is I felt like scrambling to it at the crack of dawn, standing for 8 or 9 or 10 hours, scrambling back to daycare 2 minutes before closing. Instead, I get to work from 9 to 5 and watch my clinical skills go down the toilet as I fight on the phone with insurance companies and just deal with a ton of other annoying crap.
I will cut to the chase: I am considering leaving work and going back to school, not necessarily for nursing either. I spent the better part of this day on the phone with various administrations and entities, including but not limited to Social Security, my state's insurance program for children, Blue Cross/Blue Shield or myself, and more of the like. I have crunched out two separate budgets, one for the way it is now and one for the way it might be if I left work.
Can there not be a happy medium?
If I leave work, I retain my benefits, but I will only keep my head above water if I stream-line EVERYTHING. I will no longer have to deal with a ton of nonsense, the by-products of the most expensive and yet broken system imaginable. I will have tons more free time with Penny and be more available to Sadie, but I will be saying good bye to a lot of the extras.
All I know is that something, SOMETHING, has got to give. I certainly don't want it to be my sense of sanity that pops loose. Maybe after having a little bit of time to gain perspective I can return to work but in a different way. Perhaps mental health is just too intense for me, hits too close to home.
I don't know if it's the insurance battles and other red tape, or if it's something else like "delivering care" constantly that is driving me up the wall. I just feel like I don't have a minute to myself, a minute to think clearly, or what. All I know for sure is, I feel like I'm clawing for a way out of this mess. Everything feels so complicated and I wish it wasn't so.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I remember so many instances where you said you felt you were born to do the job you do. I think you may have hit the nail on the head when you say that you just have no time to take care of yourself. Maybe when Penny is older and you aren't giving every ounce of your being, you can go back to this kind of work. I know what you mean - there are days when I feel like I give away everything and nothing is left for me: no sanity, energy, strength - nothing. And I have a no pressure, not even full time job!
Is there an option three, where you can take a lower-pressure job without additional schooling at this point, until you can sort things out a bit?
There might be an option three and right now I have no choice but to look for it because it turns out that my bossing is going out in May for at least a month for a foot surgery. This would be a terrible time to leave. I couldn't do it to the other nurse that works at the facility.
I guess this is a good thing because it gives me a bit more time to evaluate the situation. Clearly, I have a lot of thinking to do.
I may be complicating things, but seems to me like your job is a major problem, just based on what I've read here and in the past. Without actually being there, it's hard to say, but since you write so well, I get the distinct feeling that this is not a healthy situation (for you or your patients). I agree with ~Free, maybe there is a job you can get with your credentials that is not in a clinical setting. I mean, maybe a mindless job that you don't care about is just the thing you need right now. Either that or maybe there is a way to make your personal situation less stressful. Whatever you do, I wish you luck, and keep your mind off of the small things (if you can help it). I know that when I feel like I just can't take anymore it's usually because I am anxious over things I have no control over. Changing jobs may be a good thing, but a step back to look at things from a different perspective often lubes things quite well. Peace...
Post a Comment