Nearly a month has gone by since I last posted but so much has happened.
Well, the chili cook off went well, it was very nice, and I came in fourth place out of about 20 entries.
Unfortunately, I found out that same morning that my aunt Rose passed away after a long battle with cancer, which has left a huge empty space in our family. She was the personification of grace and class and I really looked up to her. I started writing a fairly long entry about her but it just felt so meaningless and impotent that I couldn't bring myself to post it.
Since then, I've really been struggling with a lot of issues, not even directly related to her but somehow sparked by her passing. A lot of centers around other family issues that I struggle with, some it involves a friend that has disappointed me so deeply (if you are reading this it is not YOU), and a ton of it has to do with the passage of time and how I've been using it, or misusing it, or missing it, or just not hitting the mark lately.
I feel like I'm just barely getting by, mentally and emotionally, and that I am not really living.
One thing I aim to do, after taxes are done, is to really take a slash and burn approach to most of my material possessions. What this has to do with anything I don't know, but I do know that I have my apartment about 50% organized to the way I want it to be and have a fairly large storage unit that calls me to whittle it down mercilessly. I had been working on this a bit last month before the shit hit the fan and I need to get back to it.
I just feel like a lot of my things complicate my life. Their storage is a drain on my checking account since I pay for them to be stored. And let me tell you, visiting that storage unit takes me on a trip back in time that I really don't need to be revisiting. It's like I walk in there and my old life is all packed up looking at me straight in the face. China, clothing, the archives of what I once had.
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will make it to the moon if she has to crawl
past the mission
behind the prison tower
past the mission
i once knew a hot girl
behind the prison tower
past the mission
i once knew a hot girl
my scream got lost
in a paper cup
you think there's a heaven
where some
screams have gone
i got 25 bucks and a cracker
do you think it's enough
to get us there
in a paper cup
you think there's a heaven
where some
screams have gone
i got 25 bucks and a cracker
do you think it's enough
to get us there
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4 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your Aunt Rose. Her passing is another reminder that our time here is so short. Do whatever it is you need to do... find a way to feel like you are living, even if it is in small ways. And yes, get rid of your "Stuff". It's very freeing.
Thanks Jean. It's a huge loss for our family. I'm going to look over the entry I wrote and think about posting it. I loved her so much and it's just not fair.
cleaning house(and storage)is always a great way to perge the stagnat emotions and thoughts.clears a way for new things to come in and allows for a freeing new energy to flow through the "house",for more creative movement. like wind blowing throughout empty space it will fill with new posibilities. we just have to open ourselves up and believe these gifts are waiting for us right around the corner. so sorry for your loss!
My condolences over the passing of your aunt Rose!!...I'm so sorry 2 hear that!! =((*HUGS*)...w/ the "not living" feeling: it always helps me 2 mentally list what I am grateful 4 so that I don't feel hopeless...and I like 2 plan 4 the future so I have some things 2 look 4ward 2...if u ever need 2 talk I'm here!!!...and clearing out the "stuff" is a good idea as well...it really does make u feel more free...wishing u the best =)
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