I hope that in twenty years when I look back on this time I'll feel confident that I did the best I could. I'm trying to tune every step I take to fit that wish. Most tasks are slow-going and I've found that I really can't do much more than perform one or two administrative tasks and unpack one or two boxes every day. Some days I only get a fraction of that done. Between toddler-tending, desperately trying to meet the needs of a fourteen year-old daughter, and maybe just trying to do one good thing for myself each day (mentally or physically) I have my hands full.
And the dogs! Don't forget the dogs! They have needs too. Mostly they just need lots and lots of love and affection. They have been SO good these days, getting along famously without a bit of friction. The good thing about the dogs is that when I've exhausted Sadie and Penny's quota of doting I can turn to them. They are bottomless pits when it comes to receiving all of the extra love I have right now. In return they give me their silly dog smiles (um, yeah, dogs DO smile) and can dish out every little bit that they can take.
Desperately I look for meaning in everything-in my environment, in my interactions with people, in dreams, in the things I read, and the songs I listen to. I stretch my imagination to its limits. I have returned to the younger version of myself-the one that looks for signs in everything, who talks to spiders and birds, who believes that thunder is God's way of letting me know he's still there.
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4 comments:
I believe you will be so proud and amazed at yourself when you look back in 20 years. And the girls will, too.
I can only hope and try. You have been the most amazing friend to me over the past year, just as good as you were back in the day. I am so glad that when we found each other again, we had used the time in between to constructively build really decent lives.
Hi there,
I am a totally random stranger that happened upon your link in Sundry's comment section and popped on over. Ah, the immediacy of the internet. I just wanted to let you know that I am blown away by your strength, your grace, and your sense of hope and possibility in the face of a tragedy I can't even fathom. Best wishes to you, your girls, and your canine kids. I hope the future brings you joy to equal the sadness you've been through.
I feel so lucky to have found you again, Liz. Myspace is good for something, I guess!!
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