Fresh back from a trip up north. I have made firm living arrangements, secured work, and made preliminary arrangements for transferring Sadie to Rutherford High School. I have a lot of legwork to do this month, but remember, this time last year I was doing the same type of things under a lot more pressure.
I remember the similar tasks I was coordinating about a year ago, even less really. I had a $10,000 deposit on a beautiful house in New Port Richey that I had to negotiate my way out of. I had a funeral to arrange. I had two girls and two dogs to lead through times of unprecedented grief that needed a navigator through life.
I almost feel apologetic bringing it up for the umpteenth-million time, but I need to remind myself sometimes. Some people in my life feel the need to remind me of how hard it's going to be to coordinate the move in one month. I know this very well, but that's not the aspect I chose to focus on. If I can make every 6 out of 7 days highly productive ones, than I believe that I can pull this off.
This week gave me a good opportunity to sit back after the work was done and just enjoy being up north. I mostly walked around Brooklyn, just being quiet and observing life. I got to ride on the subway quite a bit, which I found enjoyable. I barely drove my rental car, which turned out to be an expense I could've done without, but not driving for a handful of days was actually very relaxing and I felt kind of good about not consuming gasoline. I swear to God, my legs and butt are definitely in better shape from all the walking!
I bought a CD on the street from a guy standing in front of the Virgin Mega-Store, peddling CD's featuring positive hip-hop. He seemed like a nice guy and I knew I had a 5 in wallet. Turns out Je' Willie's CD is really, really good with no F-words. Evidently he has a Myspace page but no Facebook. I told him about some of the great artists out there who spread by word of mouth, just some homemade music like his, who have managed to do a couple of things and gather a following. I mentioned Noel Gourdin and David Sides and promised to write to him on Myspace.
So here I am, back in Spring Hill, but now there is no question that I won't be here for much longer. There's so much more I could have enjoyed about living in Florida if things had turned out differently. My heart has hardened to all of that beauty and it's now more of an endurance test, the last leg of a marathon. I have surrendered to the hard work, sweat, tears, and effort of the beginning and evidently even the middle. The wind is to my back and the momentum is high. We'll be sailing back any day now...
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Today, July 22
Today, in many Christians churches, it is the feast day of St. Mary Magdalene. Who was this woman? Many believe that she was a prostitute who repented and became a follower of Jesus. Many more are starting to believe that she wasn't even a prostitute at all, but an uncounted apostle and follower of Christ. And there are even some who believe that she was the wife of Jesus, his right-hand-man so to speak.
A brief scan of the wiki page reveals that no one can really agree on what or who this woman was, she may have been a hairdresser from Magdala, she may have been a whore who changed her ways. One thing is in agreement-she was the one who went to Jesus' tomb after he died and discovered that he was not there. And even more profound, she was the first person that he exposed himself to after he came back to life, before he ascended into heaven.
Pretty heavy stuff, huh? He must have thought the world of her to choose her as the first person to reveal himself to. She is the one who delivered the message that he had risen from the dead to the rest of the apostles. Can you imagine having to carry that message? People would think you were nuts!
I have always identified with her-misunderstood, woman of ill-repute, a past cloaked in mystery, closer to the source of goodness than most people realize, a person who repented and rose above her failings and went on to become a very important figure in spirituality. I love the fact that we cannot agree on who she was and what she did. This is part of her mystery.
According to scripture, she stood at Jesus' feet while he was nailed to the cross, along with his mother and his aunt. This tells me that at the very least she had some kind of relationship with his mother and family, to share in this moment of intense grief. Does it matter if they were just good friends or if they were sharing a bed together? I don't think it does, and like any other relationship on Earth besides my own, it's none of my business.
Whether you adhere to Christian beliefs or not, well...that's not the point. You've got to admit at the very least that Jesus had a pretty important role in the history of humankind. Whether you consider him the Messiah, a prophet, or just kind of a cool guy who wanted people to behave well towards each other, he was important in some respect.
And personally, the idea of Jesus having a woman like her behind him kind of fills me with personal hope. Maybe she was the unseen cog in the machine behind the man who caused so much controversy in his day, controversy that continues into the present. I love the fact that we are still debating whether or not she was a whore. Nothing excites people like a woman of ill-repute.
*****
Want to mention quickly another feast day that occurred almost exactly one month ago, one that might be equally important. We're talking about none other than St. John the Baptist. He just happens to be the dude that baptized Jesus himself.
Ok, so a wee bit of biblical history here. His mother was St. Elizabeth, a cousin of Mary's. She and her husband had tried in vain for a long time to have a child but no dice. Finally, in rather advanced age, Elizabeth was able to conceive. After Mary had the dream that she was with child with the son of God, she went to visit Elizabeth. While walking through the door and greeting Elizabeth, the fetus in Elizabeth's belly did more than the usual rib kick and this startled Elizabeth and filled her with some kind of magical glee that they were in the midst of a very special fetus indeed.
Obviously John was born in the summer and Jesus the following winter. They were cousins but didn't really know each other...yet.
John was performing baptisms in the river. Jesus came to him one day to be baptized and John proclaimed that he was certainly not worthy to baptize the son of god! Jesus convinced him that that was a bunch of bull, and so it was done.
John went on to become beheaded by King Herod for saying some nasty about his wife, which may have been true anyway. This was probably not a good move. John was believed to be a prophet in many religions, and the fore-runner of Jesus in most of Christianity. Beheading this man certainly held no good karma at all.
One of the reasons I bring it up is because one of my best friend, Scott, his middle name is John and his birth date is the day before John the Baptist's feast. I have pointed this out to him, and he doesn't really feel that his mother intended this at all. Yet it is as it is. I like to think that it's the part of the order of the universe that he should have such a special and simple middle name.
John-what a simple same. It's a same that exists in almost every culture. Yahya in Arabic, Johann, Jan, Jean, Giovanni, in various parts of Europe. Yet so much lies behind it. It's one of the most common names-hell, I have over 6 close relatives that have some for of this name.
*****
Again, it doesn't matter if you are Christian or something else. These are important people in history. I happen to have my own beliefs regarding all of this, and they do sort of fall into the profile of Christianity, but also someone with a deep respect for the history of humankind.
A brief scan of the wiki page reveals that no one can really agree on what or who this woman was, she may have been a hairdresser from Magdala, she may have been a whore who changed her ways. One thing is in agreement-she was the one who went to Jesus' tomb after he died and discovered that he was not there. And even more profound, she was the first person that he exposed himself to after he came back to life, before he ascended into heaven.
Pretty heavy stuff, huh? He must have thought the world of her to choose her as the first person to reveal himself to. She is the one who delivered the message that he had risen from the dead to the rest of the apostles. Can you imagine having to carry that message? People would think you were nuts!
I have always identified with her-misunderstood, woman of ill-repute, a past cloaked in mystery, closer to the source of goodness than most people realize, a person who repented and rose above her failings and went on to become a very important figure in spirituality. I love the fact that we cannot agree on who she was and what she did. This is part of her mystery.
According to scripture, she stood at Jesus' feet while he was nailed to the cross, along with his mother and his aunt. This tells me that at the very least she had some kind of relationship with his mother and family, to share in this moment of intense grief. Does it matter if they were just good friends or if they were sharing a bed together? I don't think it does, and like any other relationship on Earth besides my own, it's none of my business.
Whether you adhere to Christian beliefs or not, well...that's not the point. You've got to admit at the very least that Jesus had a pretty important role in the history of humankind. Whether you consider him the Messiah, a prophet, or just kind of a cool guy who wanted people to behave well towards each other, he was important in some respect.
And personally, the idea of Jesus having a woman like her behind him kind of fills me with personal hope. Maybe she was the unseen cog in the machine behind the man who caused so much controversy in his day, controversy that continues into the present. I love the fact that we are still debating whether or not she was a whore. Nothing excites people like a woman of ill-repute.
*****
Want to mention quickly another feast day that occurred almost exactly one month ago, one that might be equally important. We're talking about none other than St. John the Baptist. He just happens to be the dude that baptized Jesus himself.
Ok, so a wee bit of biblical history here. His mother was St. Elizabeth, a cousin of Mary's. She and her husband had tried in vain for a long time to have a child but no dice. Finally, in rather advanced age, Elizabeth was able to conceive. After Mary had the dream that she was with child with the son of God, she went to visit Elizabeth. While walking through the door and greeting Elizabeth, the fetus in Elizabeth's belly did more than the usual rib kick and this startled Elizabeth and filled her with some kind of magical glee that they were in the midst of a very special fetus indeed.
Obviously John was born in the summer and Jesus the following winter. They were cousins but didn't really know each other...yet.
John was performing baptisms in the river. Jesus came to him one day to be baptized and John proclaimed that he was certainly not worthy to baptize the son of god! Jesus convinced him that that was a bunch of bull, and so it was done.
John went on to become beheaded by King Herod for saying some nasty about his wife, which may have been true anyway. This was probably not a good move. John was believed to be a prophet in many religions, and the fore-runner of Jesus in most of Christianity. Beheading this man certainly held no good karma at all.
One of the reasons I bring it up is because one of my best friend, Scott, his middle name is John and his birth date is the day before John the Baptist's feast. I have pointed this out to him, and he doesn't really feel that his mother intended this at all. Yet it is as it is. I like to think that it's the part of the order of the universe that he should have such a special and simple middle name.
John-what a simple same. It's a same that exists in almost every culture. Yahya in Arabic, Johann, Jan, Jean, Giovanni, in various parts of Europe. Yet so much lies behind it. It's one of the most common names-hell, I have over 6 close relatives that have some for of this name.
*****
Again, it doesn't matter if you are Christian or something else. These are important people in history. I happen to have my own beliefs regarding all of this, and they do sort of fall into the profile of Christianity, but also someone with a deep respect for the history of humankind.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
A Few Random Thoughts
Sometimes it's easy for the busiest person to feel like they have no life. I have vacillated between feeling like I've got no life at all to feeling like I might have the most special life that one could hope for. I think the truth lies somewhere in between.
There have been times when I've stared at the computer screen at 3:30 in the morning and felt like I had nothing in the world. There have been times when the computer screen has let me see some beautiful things from people who care about me. There have been moments spent changing diarrhea diapers that have made me feel so daunted by my lot in life and times when Penelope has smiled her father's smile that reminds me that life truly does go on into infinity. I've stared at the stars and cried and asked God, "why did you do this to me?" as much as there have been times when I've looked up at the night sky and felt like I was part of something so huge, beyond myself, that it has literally brought me to tears of joy.
The internet is a blessing, people. It is the reason that I met my husband. It connects us. Do not fight against it or question whether it is good or bad for human socialization. It IS. It is part of the grand design. Use it for good and you will be blessed.
The internet helped me finish my current degree and will no doubt help me tackle the next one. Not everything can be done on the net for what I want to do, but I can get a lot of the extraneous stuff out of the way from the comfort of my laptop. It is not a substitute for real experience and the nursing classes I face in the future, but anything that is based upon mere theories can be dealt with this way.
The internet is full of maps to places you might want to go. You can let your imagine run wild with trips to Halifax, Nova Scotia or Anchorage, Alaska and anywhere in between. You can chart your course and fantasize about all of the beautiful things to see in between. You can find restaurants worth eating at and imagine the meals you might eat based upon the menu you find. You can look up available lodging and read other people's experiences while staying there.
In short, you can let you imagination fly.
The web is chock full of good artists who would never find wide spread exposure otherwise. Find that old song that you haven't heard since high school on Youtube and transport yourself back in time to the first moment you've heard it. Discover the person with just a piano and two hands who is giving your favorite song on the radio a new treatment. Learn more about the things you have always been interested in and realize that there are thousands of people out there who love it just as much as you do.
God bless the internet. It has done so much for me. I know this isn't my first post extolling the virtues of the internet. For some of us, it seems like an old idea, something we tend to take for granted. Don't take it lightly, it's probably the most powerful tool aside from ourselves that any of us actually have. For a few dollars every month, the world is at your fingertips.
There have been times when I've stared at the computer screen at 3:30 in the morning and felt like I had nothing in the world. There have been times when the computer screen has let me see some beautiful things from people who care about me. There have been moments spent changing diarrhea diapers that have made me feel so daunted by my lot in life and times when Penelope has smiled her father's smile that reminds me that life truly does go on into infinity. I've stared at the stars and cried and asked God, "why did you do this to me?" as much as there have been times when I've looked up at the night sky and felt like I was part of something so huge, beyond myself, that it has literally brought me to tears of joy.
The internet is a blessing, people. It is the reason that I met my husband. It connects us. Do not fight against it or question whether it is good or bad for human socialization. It IS. It is part of the grand design. Use it for good and you will be blessed.
The internet helped me finish my current degree and will no doubt help me tackle the next one. Not everything can be done on the net for what I want to do, but I can get a lot of the extraneous stuff out of the way from the comfort of my laptop. It is not a substitute for real experience and the nursing classes I face in the future, but anything that is based upon mere theories can be dealt with this way.
The internet is full of maps to places you might want to go. You can let your imagine run wild with trips to Halifax, Nova Scotia or Anchorage, Alaska and anywhere in between. You can chart your course and fantasize about all of the beautiful things to see in between. You can find restaurants worth eating at and imagine the meals you might eat based upon the menu you find. You can look up available lodging and read other people's experiences while staying there.
In short, you can let you imagination fly.
The web is chock full of good artists who would never find wide spread exposure otherwise. Find that old song that you haven't heard since high school on Youtube and transport yourself back in time to the first moment you've heard it. Discover the person with just a piano and two hands who is giving your favorite song on the radio a new treatment. Learn more about the things you have always been interested in and realize that there are thousands of people out there who love it just as much as you do.
God bless the internet. It has done so much for me. I know this isn't my first post extolling the virtues of the internet. For some of us, it seems like an old idea, something we tend to take for granted. Don't take it lightly, it's probably the most powerful tool aside from ourselves that any of us actually have. For a few dollars every month, the world is at your fingertips.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
And You May Ask Yourself "My God, What Have I Done?"
That's what I'm asking myself right now.
See, I just linked up this blog to my Facebook profile using the Mirror Blog application. A few thought are running through my mind.
First and foremost: more exposure. Why? Um, I don't know. But it seems like a good idea right now. Maybe one day I'll be put up ads on my blogs and generate money a la Dooce or Sundry. (does sundry even make ad money on her regular blog? maybe it's just the other ones she writes.) HAHAHHAH, that's a laugh!
Secondly, maybe it will make me WANT to write more frequently, knowing that there might possibly be a wider audience. This is not a bad thing to aspire to.
Thirdly, my FB peeps have become important to me. They deserve to know what's going on and I'm willing to share. I think.
Fourthly (is that even a WORD?), I've had a FEW glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and it seems like a REALLY GOOD IDEA right now.
So, the people who are wrestling me, pimp-fighting me, sending me roses, green patch stuff, and so on, here's the real scoop on who I am and what I've been up to. For some reason, I really felt the need to integrate the two. For every gift I send and every Hug Me! I give and every person I buy on owned, there is a real person behind it with a very real sentiment that isn't easily conveyed through Facebook. Just know that I care about you as much as I care about all of God's creatures, that you are loved, and that I am real.
Love,
Mommydawg
See, I just linked up this blog to my Facebook profile using the Mirror Blog application. A few thought are running through my mind.
First and foremost: more exposure. Why? Um, I don't know. But it seems like a good idea right now. Maybe one day I'll be put up ads on my blogs and generate money a la Dooce or Sundry. (does sundry even make ad money on her regular blog? maybe it's just the other ones she writes.) HAHAHHAH, that's a laugh!
Secondly, maybe it will make me WANT to write more frequently, knowing that there might possibly be a wider audience. This is not a bad thing to aspire to.
Thirdly, my FB peeps have become important to me. They deserve to know what's going on and I'm willing to share. I think.
Fourthly (is that even a WORD?), I've had a FEW glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and it seems like a REALLY GOOD IDEA right now.
So, the people who are wrestling me, pimp-fighting me, sending me roses, green patch stuff, and so on, here's the real scoop on who I am and what I've been up to. For some reason, I really felt the need to integrate the two. For every gift I send and every Hug Me! I give and every person I buy on owned, there is a real person behind it with a very real sentiment that isn't easily conveyed through Facebook. Just know that I care about you as much as I care about all of God's creatures, that you are loved, and that I am real.
Love,
Mommydawg
Friday, July 11, 2008
News: Sad and Happy
I would first like to start this post by saying that I just found out that my friend Scott's father passed away. To hear him cry broke my heart and we cried on the phone together for a few minutes. I don't know what it's like to lose a parent but it must be...something like finding out your spouse has died. It's different though. Grief is universal, but what we grieve for is highly individual.
I never met Henry, but given the kind of person his son turned out to be, I would venture to say that he was a good man. I have heard so much about him, most of it very, very positive and wish I could thank him in person for creating such a wonderful friend in his son. I have been privy to many intimate details about this man that I do feel like I knew him.
So, Henry, thanks for being a good husband, father, and person. The world was a better place because you were in it. You now exist in a way that we can only wonder about and I have total faith that whatever it is, be it heaven or the belly of a new mother, that it's exactly as beautiful as you deserve.
*****
No crass prose here today. I'll just give you quick, bulleted updates on my life.
I never met Henry, but given the kind of person his son turned out to be, I would venture to say that he was a good man. I have heard so much about him, most of it very, very positive and wish I could thank him in person for creating such a wonderful friend in his son. I have been privy to many intimate details about this man that I do feel like I knew him.
So, Henry, thanks for being a good husband, father, and person. The world was a better place because you were in it. You now exist in a way that we can only wonder about and I have total faith that whatever it is, be it heaven or the belly of a new mother, that it's exactly as beautiful as you deserve.
*****
No crass prose here today. I'll just give you quick, bulleted updates on my life.
- Put the house on the market. Listing price below what I paid. Felt like a punch in the stomach.
- Who cares? It's only money. Far worse things to lose. There's more where more it came from. We'll be F.I.N.E
- Decided to rent instead of buy. This provides optimum mobility and freedom, something I need. Very, very comfortable with this decision.
- Won't be paying property taxes for a while!
- Looking in Rutherford, East Rutherford, and Lyndhurst. Had a good conversation with a landlord in Lyndhurst today regarding a 4 bedroom apartment that is very affordable and sounds nice.
- Coming up north from July 24th to July 30th. Staying with a friend in Brooklyn. Going to have loads of fun, put down a deposit on my next living space, attend to some human resource stuff at work, and get the ball rolling with enrolling Sadie in a new school district. Won't be able to do any socializing on the western side of the state, but that's what the rest of my life is for.
- Considering many possibilities. Want to volunteer for the effort to clean up the Meadowlands. Even if it means picking up garbage piece-by-piece. Something I've wanted to do for a while and will now make a priority.
- Talked to some dude at Fidelity and have the ball rolling for moving some money around to better places.
- Been cooking more and eating better. Drinking less.
- Reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Great book, even if it IS on Oprah's book list. Even if you find it to be mumbo-jumbo, it's written in a very relaxing style and could possibly help you fall asleep feeling kind of glad to be alive.
- Love you all!
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